Projects Possible

I travel quite a bit and while I haven’t heard all of these directly many are quite familiar…

• On a Southwest flight (Southwest has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced,  “People, people, we’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!” 

• On a Continental flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights.  This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”

• On landing, the stewardess said, “Please be sure to take all of your belongings.  If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure that it is something we’d like to have.”

• “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.”

• “Thank you for flying Delta Business Express.  We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”

• As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: “Whoa, big fella…. WHOA!”

• After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, “Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.”

• Form a Southwest employee:  “Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa… To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle and pull tight.  It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don’t know how to operate one , you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.”

• “In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the compartment above you.  Stop screaming, grab the mask and pull it over your face.  If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs.  If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.”

• “Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive.   Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.

• “Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.”

• “As you exit the plane make sure you gather all of your belongings.  Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants.  Please do not leave children or spouses.”

• And from the pilot during his welcome message:  “Delta Airlines is please to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.  Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!”

• Heard on Southwest after a very hard landing: “That was quite a bump, and I know what y’all are thinking.  I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the airline’s fault, it wasn’t the pilot’s fault, it wasn’t even the flight attendant’s fault…it was the asphalt.”

• On another less than perfect landing:  “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal”

Share others that you have heard, or received in emails..